"Love seems the swiftest, but is the slowest of all growths" -Mark Twain

An engagement of 14 months is finally winding to a sunny finish. Every piece is falling into its place. Everything that needs to be said has been said, except for our vows, and soon we will have those under our feet and at our backs, carrying us forward to this new passage in our lives.

Soon.

The wedding is coming up very soon...in less than 2 weeks actually! I've been laying fairly low, which has been a pleasure of sorts since the weather has finally turned sunny. It's been so dreamy to just open all the doors and windows and lay in the grass, to work in the garden and bike around as much as I care to. But I do feel a certain responsibility to cloister myself in a way, to try to cultivate a sense of peacefulness and calm. I suppose that it's a kind of ritual, since my family has no real prepatory rituals of their own. I mean, I'm not traveling to some distant hill to sit in a tent for a week with my female relatives and weaving tapestries or anything (unfortunately.)

I've had a lot of people ask about the event, and it's nice to have people be excited for us, but I am a little disturbed at how many people ask me if I'm having second thoughts. That question strikes me as particularly ruse and prying, as if they expect me to wink and whisper, "Yeah, I'm actually leaving him at the altar! Our little secret!!" I know people like drama, but the truth is, things just aren't terribly dramatic. We have had over a year to plan the wedding, and it's been very easy and natural, I think because we are really ready. I think if I had agreed to marry any of the people from my past, it would have been a struggle to get to where I am now, surely impossible. There is a boundless hope that I feel as I enter into this marriage, and I'm surprised to see how it is affecting me emotionally. It's honestly a little scary, which I know sounds contradictory, but a part of me simply cannot believe how terrifically fortunate I have found myself. My mom confided to me that on her wedding day, she was apprehensive because she was in disbelief that someone could actually love her enough to commit themselves to her. I must have internalized some of her disbelief, though thankfully not all of it, not all. I have had my share of painful relationships, ones that ended messily, and lingered with me for a long time. When Robert and I met each other again, and began our relationship, I think I was on the brink of a huge personal transformation, and he was just the right element to push me into a larger, brighter world.